Hanif Kureishi's men have long had difficulties with women. And often, as tends to be the way with men, the difficulties have involved their inability to see women as people. They are, rather, objects for men to think about, lay claim to, fetishise, pursue, control and generally get worked-up about. The narrator of Intimacy (1998) informs the reader that "women's bodies ... are at the centre of everything worth living for". In The Last Word (2014) an elderly writer named Harry treats us to the observation that "the body of the young woman is the world's most significant object". And in Kureishi's latest novel, The Nothing, women are again cast as objects to be owned, trophies to be won and brandished. As the book's protagonist, Waldo, puts it: "a woman is the ultimate luxury item; a diamond, a Rolls-Royce, a Leonardo in your living room".
We find Waldo in this seductively pensive mood because he suspects he is being betrayed. Once a star filmmaker, he is now in his 80s and in terminal physical decline. His “ruined” hips and legs keep him confined to a bed and a wheelchair. His sight is going. And he is host to a miserable array of additional ailments: “I have a stent. I also have most illnesses: diabetes, prostate cancer, an ulcer, early MS, constipation, diarrhoea ... a cough, phobias, addictions, obsessions.” He longs for one great and final project, for “something to fill me with creative hope”.
And, in a way, he gets one. It comes in the form of his wife, Zee, who is 22 years his junior and spends her days caring for her husband: “It is her responsibility”, he believes.
Waldo has started to nurture the suspicion that Zee is having an affair with Eddie, a film critic (and self-styled expert on Waldo’s career) he has known for about 30 years and who now spends an alarming amount of time at Waldo’s house, socialising with Zee. Waldo has started to hear strange sounds at night and believes it might be Zee and Eddie in an adjacent bedroom.
As the early stages of the novel develop, Waldo convinces himself that he was justified in mistrust. Initially, he spends quite a lot of time sitting around in languid and graphic contemplation of what Eddie and his wife might be up to during their trysts, and for a while this keeps him satisfied: “Suffering loses its horror if the victim finds a way to enjoy it.”
But before long Waldo concludes that the relationship between Eddie and Zee is a wrong that must be avenged. Accordingly, he sets about finding a way to bring about the downfall of his betrayers.
There is, as will already be clear, more than a touch of Hamlet to all this. But to make things excruciatingly clear, Kureishi furnishes Waldo with the reflection that "too much thinking turns you into that fool Hamlet". Thanks very much. Elsewhere he tries to lend weight to Waldo's realisation that his best days are behind him, and that his Edenic (Edenic for him) marriage to Zee has been sullied, by having him mention Paradise Lost.
These clumsy attempts to inject some intellectual meat into the gruel of his story are exacerbated by Kureishi’s inability to write effectively about unpleasant characters. Waldo really is revolting: misogynistic, selfish, sentimental, insecure. But handled correctly, such characters can be made to swing, and even feel appealing (one thinks of Martin Amis’s Keith Talent), on the page.
Kureishi never manages this, largely because his prose – characterised by such bewilderingly inert phrases as “whizzing about like Ironside on acid”; “Love doesn’t turn off like a tap when you want it to” – creates no distance between the author and his creation. Kureishi and Waldo seem to speak as one. And when an attempt is made to grant Waldo some likeable features – he is given a short paragraph about the decline of liberal values – it is so conspicuously unintegrated with his character as to be funny.
These shortcomings leave the novel feeling as nebulous and insubstantial as its title suggests. It’ll do fine as an item for your living room. But as literature it leaves you feeling nothing.
Matthew Adams is a regular contributor to The Review.
The specs
Engine: 2.7-litre 4-cylinder Turbomax
Power: 310hp
Torque: 583Nm
Transmission: 8-speed automatic
Price: From Dh192,500
On sale: Now
Guide to intelligent investing
Investing success often hinges on discipline and perspective. As markets fluctuate, remember these guiding principles:
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- Strategic patience: Understand why you’re investing and allow time for your strategies to unfold.
Cry Macho
Director: Clint Eastwood
Stars: Clint Eastwood, Dwight Yoakam
Rating:**
Living in...
This article is part of a guide on where to live in the UAE. Our reporters will profile some of the country’s most desirable districts, provide an estimate of rental prices and introduce you to some of the residents who call each area home.
DUBAI WORLD CUP RACE CARD
6.30pm Meydan Classic Trial US$100,000 (Turf) 1,400m
7.05pm Handicap $135,000 (T) 1,400m
7.40pm UAE 2000 Guineas Group Three $250,000 (Dirt) 1,600m
8.15pm Dubai Sprint Listed Handicap $175,000 (T) 1,200m
8.50pm Al Maktoum Challenge Round-2 Group Two $450,000 (D) 1,900m
9.25pm Handicap $135,000 (T) 1,800m
10pm Handicap $135,000 (T) 1,400m
The National selections
6.30pm Well Of Wisdom
7.05pm Summrghand
7.40pm Laser Show
8.15pm Angel Alexander
8.50pm Benbatl
9.25pm Art Du Val
10pm: Beyond Reason
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TV: World Cup Qualifier 2018 matches will be aired on on OSN Sports HD Cricket channel
Abaya trends
The utilitarian robe held dear by Arab women is undergoing a change that reveals it as an elegant and graceful garment available in a range of colours and fabrics, while retaining its traditional appeal.
The specs: 2018 Chevrolet Trailblazer
Price, base / as tested Dh99,000 / Dh132,000
Engine 3.6L V6
Transmission: Six-speed automatic
Power 275hp @ 6,000rpm
Torque 350Nm @ 3,700rpm
Fuel economy combined 12.2L / 100km
The biog
Age: 19
Profession: medical student at UAE university
Favourite book: The Ocean at The End of The Lane by Neil Gaiman
Role model: Parents, followed by Fazza (Shiekh Hamdan bin Mohammed)
Favourite poet: Edger Allen Poe
The specs
Engine: 77.4kW all-wheel-drive dual motor
Power: 320bhp
Torque: 605Nm
Transmission: Single-speed automatic
Price: From Dh219,000
On sale: Now
One in nine do not have enough to eat
Created in 1961, the World Food Programme is pledged to fight hunger worldwide as well as providing emergency food assistance in a crisis.
One of the organisation’s goals is the Zero Hunger Pledge, adopted by the international community in 2015 as one of the 17 Sustainable Goals for Sustainable Development, to end world hunger by 2030.
The WFP, a branch of the United Nations, is funded by voluntary donations from governments, businesses and private donations.
Almost two thirds of its operations currently take place in conflict zones, where it is calculated that people are more than three times likely to suffer from malnutrition than in peaceful countries.
It is currently estimated that one in nine people globally do not have enough to eat.
On any one day, the WFP estimates that it has 5,000 lorries, 20 ships and 70 aircraft on the move.
Outside emergencies, the WFP provides school meals to up to 25 million children in 63 countries, while working with communities to improve nutrition. Where possible, it buys supplies from developing countries to cut down transport cost and boost local economies.
Emergency
Director: Kangana Ranaut
Stars: Kangana Ranaut, Anupam Kher, Shreyas Talpade, Milind Soman, Mahima Chaudhry
Rating: 2/5
How to avoid crypto fraud
- Use unique usernames and passwords while enabling multi-factor authentication.
- Use an offline private key, a physical device that requires manual activation, whenever you access your wallet.
- Avoid suspicious social media ads promoting fraudulent schemes.
- Only invest in crypto projects that you fully understand.
- Critically assess whether a project’s promises or returns seem too good to be true.
- Only use reputable platforms that have a track record of strong regulatory compliance.
- Store funds in hardware wallets as opposed to online exchanges.
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German intelligence warnings
- 2002: "Hezbollah supporters feared becoming a target of security services because of the effects of [9/11] ... discussions on Hezbollah policy moved from mosques into smaller circles in private homes." Supporters in Germany: 800
- 2013: "Financial and logistical support from Germany for Hezbollah in Lebanon supports the armed struggle against Israel ... Hezbollah supporters in Germany hold back from actions that would gain publicity." Supporters in Germany: 950
- 2023: "It must be reckoned with that Hezbollah will continue to plan terrorist actions outside the Middle East against Israel or Israeli interests." Supporters in Germany: 1,250
Source: Federal Office for the Protection of the Constitution
THE SPECS
Engine: 6.75-litre twin-turbocharged V12 petrol engine
Power: 420kW
Torque: 780Nm
Transmission: 8-speed automatic
Price: From Dh1,350,000
On sale: Available for preorder now
The Sand Castle
Director: Matty Brown
Stars: Nadine Labaki, Ziad Bakri, Zain Al Rafeea, Riman Al Rafeea
Rating: 2.5/5
Vidaamuyarchi
Director: Magizh Thirumeni
Stars: Ajith Kumar, Arjun Sarja, Trisha Krishnan, Regina Cassandra
Rating: 4/5
Lampedusa: Gateway to Europe
Pietro Bartolo and Lidia Tilotta
Quercus