Khalid Al Ameri: Mental health can be hard to treat if you don’t know what the ­problem is

Experts say that discouraging boys from crying and showing emotion can have an adverse affect on the way they cope with mental health later in life.

Khalid Al Ameri and Rosalynn Carter. Courtesy Carter Center

I remember being in a supermarket and seeing a young boy crying beside his dad. The father kept saying to his son: “Stop crying, you’re a man.”

Now, we may think this is just a father asking his son to grow up, but what the child understands is pretty simple: crying is not good; if I cry, I am not a man.

This child was dressed just like his father, in traditional Arab clothes, and when he spoke through his tears he spoke very much like his father, in strong, powerful Arabic – but deep down this was just a little boy ­being a little boy.

A little boy that could grow up thinking crying is wrong.

I do not question the love this father had for his son. I am sure his little boy means everything to him and it would be completely unfair of me to base parenthood on one observation I had in passing at a supermarket.

Observing that interaction, however, reminded me of the powerful impact a few words can have on a child. He could very well grow up unable to express his emotions, and afraid to speak to anyone if he is going through a hard time, all because he was told at a very young age not to cry.

As an Emirati representative to the Rosalynn Carter Fellowships for Mental Health Journalism programme in the United States, I have to think about cultural awareness, the barriers to talking about mental health, and the challenges individuals in UAE society may face in communicating their emotional or psychological problems to their colleagues, friends or families.

The fact that Al Jalila Foundation (a Mohammed Bin Rashid Global Initiative), which has sponsored the Emirati journalists on the programme, has identified mental health as a core programme is a big testament to its importance in a community as diverse, dynamic, and progressive as the UAE.

The country has changed, and continues to change, so much. With increased globalisation, national military service ­programmes, strategic ­economic-policy changes, ­increased competition and cultural shifts in government and private organisations, the fabric of our society – and what it means to be an Emirati – continues to be rewoven.

I would argue that the socioeconomic changes we are seeing today are the biggest since the UAE’s introduction to oil wealth in the early 1960s. Couple all this with the introduction of social networks, which provide a constant window into everyone else’s success stories, and you have a recipe for a potential meltdown if one is not equipped to deal with the new world in which one now finds oneself.

How does one deal with those changes? Well, answers on the surface will tell you to work harder, get a higher education, or seek better opportunities, and if you do that you should be fine.

But what if one can’t deal with those challenges? What if the pressure or stress is simply too much? What do they do then?

I don’t know why, but for some reason up until recently I simply couldn’t picture an Emirati – myself included – dressed in traditional clothes, with a strong presence, going up to an elderly family saying something like: “I’m not feeling right, this is all too much, I need help.” This was probably because 98 per cent of the time, they would ask if I am eating well and recommend I have a good home-cooked meal.

A few years ago, Weill Cornell Medical College’s psychiatrist Ziad Kronfol, who organised a conference on developing guidelines and support for mental illnesses, said that one of the biggest differences between mental health in the West and in the developing world was data, and the lack of it.

In part, due to the social stigma surrounding mental health, we are unaware of the types of issues people are going through and the frequency. It’s hard to offer the right treatment when you don’t know what the ­problem is.

The traditional strengths of UAE culture should be able to tackle these issues. For example, we still have strong family bonds even among extended members, which can and should be a strong source of support. We have a political, social and religious environment that is promoting happiness, tolerance and youth within our country and throughout the world. More importantly, we have the resources to support mental health, the issue has the attention of our leadership, and it is now being given strong platforms to create awareness and dialogues throughout the country.

Now it is on us, members of the community, to create an environment where it is OK to talk about our feelings, good or bad – but more importantly, the bad. Where women and men of all ages are comfortable telling the people they love that they don’t feel right, that they need help, that simply eating better and getting a little exercise is not the answer.

It is only in a culture that values mental health just as much as physical health that people do not need to be scared of sharing what they are going through, where people seeking mental-health support are seen as normal productive human beings who want nothing more than someone to help them feel better again, to smile again and see how beautiful life is.

• Khalid Al Ameri is the Emirati representative to the Rosalynn Carter Fellowships for Mental Health Journalism programme in the United States

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Get help

Recognise an emergency

Feeling suicidal, believing one’s self to be in a crisis, experiencing a severe panic attack or having a breakdown are all emergencies that warrant a visit to your closest emergency room. The staff will take it from there.

Pay attention, take action and don’t put it off.

Start with your family doctor or visit a clinic. Get help from a psychiatrist, psychologist or therapist, and the sooner the better, so treatment can start and reassurance can set in.

Call or contact a hotline

• One such service is Twitter account Suicide Help Dubai (@SuicideDubai), who welcome private messages on Twitter and are already ready to help. Or you can call 800 4634.

• The suicide hotline of the Indian Workers Resources Centre (IWRC), an Indian Embassy-run service that provides free counselling services to expatriates, can be reached at 800 46342.

Contact one of these centres across the UAE

• The American Center for Psychiatry and Neurology with clinics in Dubai, Abu Dhabi and Sharjah, 02 697 9999.

• The Carbone Clinic in Dubai for children and adolescents, 04 453 9810.

• The German Neuroscience Center in Dubai, 04 4298 578.

• The Psychiatry and Mental Health Center at the Saudi German Hospital in Dubai, 04 389 0000.

• Al Amal Psychiatric Hospital in Dubai, 04 344 4010.

• Maudsley Child and Adolescent International Hospital in Abu Dhabi, 02 666 2655.

• The Neuron Psychological Care Center in Abu Dhabi, 02 626 0774.

• Visit www.movember.com for more information