I work with a new dad who spends most of his day regaling me with stories of how his little one is sleeping, feeding, smiling and so on. He’s a nice guy but he is one of those conversationalists who does not know when the conversation is over. It’s got to the point where he’s became the office bore, with colleagues diving for cover to avoid a 20-minute update on how little X is progressing. We are happy for him but how do we handle his baby monologues? NS, Dubai
It seems like you have a proud dad to deal with, who is clearly a talkative individual. I imagine that you and the rest of the team are happy for him and his news, but are also finding it a bit repetitive with constant updates on every movement and the minutiae of his newborn’s activities. I also imagine that you will agree that being direct with him about his talking habits will first of all not be very nice, but will also show a lack of appreciation for something that is very significant in life.
So, let’s think about what else we can do. First, as he is a new dad I can imagine this is still quite novel and new for him. As so many different things tend to happen during the first days of a newborn’s life, he probably has lots to report back on. As time goes on and as he gets used to being a father, this may reduce significantly. So my initial advice is to be patient, as I am sure the updates will slow down.
Secondly, I think although you and the team are becoming wary of him and almost “diving for cover”, I think it is important to consider things from his perspective and apply what you have probably heard as “emotional intelligence”. This seems like a very important part of his life and he may not have a lot of outlets apart from work colleagues to share these day-to-day experiences with. It could be the case he is living away from his family and friends in Dubai and may feel that his colleagues are the only people he can share this excitement with.
I am sure that you and others have experienced eventful changes, and I guess it may be useful to think back to whether it was something you couldn’t stop talking about either.
But I do think it may be useful for you, or someone who has a good relationship with him, to give him some feedback that although everyone is extremely happy for him and wishes to hear his updates, they are sometimes too constant and that people may prefer a more detailed update a bit less often. The other idea is for you, or someone else, to arrange a formal coffee or catch up with him so he does have an outlet for sharing this important news.
I think that balancing some patience, along with an appreciation for his situation, will work well. Equally, if someone else at work has a good relationship with him, maybe they could think about a fair way to discuss this.
Doctor’s prescription:
It is not unusual for new parents to become obsessive and talk intensely about their newborn’s activities, as this is a very eventful moment. Hearing about other people’s babies may be boring, but remember that this can also be a challenging, sleep-deprived time for new dads. Try not to shut down the conversation totally, but develop your emotional intelligence, explore ways to talk at appropriate times and use this as an opportunity to build a stronger relationship with your colleague.
Alex Davda is a business psychologist and consultant at Ashridge Business School based in the Middle East. Email him at business@thenational.ae for advice on any work issues
Roger Delves is on leave
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