In the 27 years I have been driving, I think I have owned, coincidentally, 27 cars. I say “think” because some have been so forgettable that I can barely remember them; others so utterly bad that I have done everything to banish them from my thoughts.
I’ve had some wonderful cars, too. A Daimler 4.2 was one of the most regal, graceful machines I have ever experienced, while my Porsche 928 was a rakish GT that never failed to put a smile on my face. My Mini was a rust bucket, but terrific fun to drive, feeling like a go-kart on country lanes around my Welsh home, and two BMWs taught me more about driving than anything before or since, thanks to their leery tail-wagging in the wet.
My current steeds – a Volkswagen Scirocco and a Triumph TR6 – are undoubtedly the best cars I’ve ever possessed. But what about the shockers – the cars that I still break into a sweat thinking about? They’d be the ones with Land Rover badges on them.
To be fair, the three that I have owned aren’t wholly representative of today’s products, but the reasons that both Jaguar and Land Rover are still fighting against the stigma of past wrongs are legion. I can tell you from bitter personal experience that they were so badly built that it’s almost hilarious.
Why do I mention this? Because the last Land Rover Defender rolled off the production line this week, marking the end of 68 years of continuous production – a record that surpasses even that of the Volkswagen Beetle. Landie fans are up in arms about its demise, and I can appreciate why – I owned a 1984 model 90, which was basically a short-wheelbase Defender, and it was heaps of fun with bags of character, when it was working. When it rained, however, and water poured into the cabin, it wasn’t much fun at all. Nor was it very appealing when the electrics played up. Which was all the time.
My ex-father-in-law is a loyal Land Rover owner (he has had seven, to my knowledge), yet he never seemed to stop complaining about them. “It’s a disease,” he once admitted to me. “I can’t help it.” Another time, frustrated by his appallingly unreliable Discovery, he said: “They’re the best-designed vehicles in the world, built by people who couldn’t care less.” He’s now on his fourth “Disco”, and still spends every weekend fixing it.
Apart from my 90, I owned two Range Rovers – both of them “Classics” with the famous 3.5L V8 engine. One was an early example that ran on carburettors, and wasn’t all that bad, apart from trim that fell off with every bump in the road, plus ferocious corrosion on the bits that weren’t aluminium. The other was a later, fuel-injected model, and despite its gravitas and luxury, I hated it with every fibre of my being. It spent more time on the ramps of the local garage than it ever did on my drive. When Lucas was mentioned by my wife as a possible name for our son, I objected in the strongest possible terms because of my experiences with that car’s electrical systems.
Yet for all its faults, the original Land Rover is, without question, the most important and iconic vehicle in modern history. Its eventual demise was a foregone conclusion, though – the basic design remained unchanged for decades, and it isn’t feasible to develop it any further, leaving farmers, engineers and armed forces all over the world looking for a replacement car that can go practically anywhere.
They’ll probably end up buying Japanese until a new version arrives, but by then, perhaps these people will have come to appreciate the one thing that always eluded me when I owned Land Rover products, yet the Japanese offer as standard: reliability. Will they ever go back to the “green oval”? Only time will tell.
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ROUTE TO TITLE
Round 1: Beat Leolia Jeanjean 6-1, 6-2
Round 2: Beat Naomi Osaka 7-6, 1-6, 7-5
Round 3: Beat Marie Bouzkova 6-4, 6-2
Round 4: Beat Anastasia Potapova 6-0, 6-0
Quarter-final: Beat Marketa Vondrousova 6-0, 6-2
Semi-final: Beat Coco Gauff 6-2, 6-4
Final: Beat Jasmine Paolini 6-2, 6-2
COMPANY PROFILE
Name: SmartCrowd
Started: 2018
Founder: Siddiq Farid and Musfique Ahmed
Based: Dubai
Sector: FinTech / PropTech
Initial investment: $650,000
Current number of staff: 35
Investment stage: Series A
Investors: Various institutional investors and notable angel investors (500 MENA, Shurooq, Mada, Seedstar, Tricap)
if you go
EVIL DEAD RISE
Director: Lee Cronin
Stars: Alyssa Sutherland, Morgan Davies, Lily Sullivan
Rating: 5/5
Milestones on the road to union
1970
October 26: Bahrain withdraws from a proposal to create a federation of nine with the seven Trucial States and Qatar.
December: Ahmed Al Suwaidi visits New York to discuss potential UN membership.
1971
March 1: Alex Douglas Hume, Conservative foreign secretary confirms that Britain will leave the Gulf and “strongly supports” the creation of a Union of Arab Emirates.
July 12: Historic meeting at which Sheikh Zayed and Sheikh Rashid make a binding agreement to create what will become the UAE.
July 18: It is announced that the UAE will be formed from six emirates, with a proposed constitution signed. RAK is not yet part of the agreement.
August 6: The fifth anniversary of Sheikh Zayed becoming Ruler of Abu Dhabi, with official celebrations deferred until later in the year.
August 15: Bahrain becomes independent.
September 3: Qatar becomes independent.
November 23-25: Meeting with Sheikh Zayed and Sheikh Rashid and senior British officials to fix December 2 as date of creation of the UAE.
November 29: At 5.30pm Iranian forces seize the Greater and Lesser Tunbs by force.
November 30: Despite a power sharing agreement, Tehran takes full control of Abu Musa.
November 31: UK officials visit all six participating Emirates to formally end the Trucial States treaties
December 2: 11am, Dubai. New Supreme Council formally elects Sheikh Zayed as President. Treaty of Friendship signed with the UK. 11.30am. Flag raising ceremony at Union House and Al Manhal Palace in Abu Dhabi witnessed by Sheikh Khalifa, then Crown Prince of Abu Dhabi.
December 6: Arab League formally admits the UAE. The first British Ambassador presents his credentials to Sheikh Zayed.
December 9: UAE joins the United Nations.
Explainer: Tanween Design Programme
Non-profit arts studio Tashkeel launched this annual initiative with the intention of supporting budding designers in the UAE. This year, three talents were chosen from hundreds of applicants to be a part of the sixth creative development programme. These are architect Abdulla Al Mulla, interior designer Lana El Samman and graphic designer Yara Habib.
The trio have been guided by experts from the industry over the course of nine months, as they developed their own products that merge their unique styles with traditional elements of Emirati design. This includes laboratory sessions, experimental and collaborative practice, investigation of new business models and evaluation.
It is led by British contemporary design project specialist Helen Voce and mentor Kevin Badni, and offers participants access to experts from across the world, including the likes of UK designer Gareth Neal and multidisciplinary designer and entrepreneur, Sheikh Salem Al Qassimi.
The final pieces are being revealed in a worldwide limited-edition release on the first day of Downtown Designs at Dubai Design Week 2019. Tashkeel will be at stand E31 at the exhibition.
Lisa Ball-Lechgar, deputy director of Tashkeel, said: “The diversity and calibre of the applicants this year … is reflective of the dynamic change that the UAE art and design industry is witnessing, with young creators resolute in making their bold design ideas a reality.”
UAE v Gibraltar
What: International friendly
When: 7pm kick off
Where: Rugby Park, Dubai Sports City
Admission: Free
Online: The match will be broadcast live on Dubai Exiles’ Facebook page
UAE squad: Lucas Waddington (Dubai Exiles), Gio Fourie (Exiles), Craig Nutt (Abu Dhabi Harlequins), Phil Brady (Harlequins), Daniel Perry (Dubai Hurricanes), Esekaia Dranibota (Harlequins), Matt Mills (Exiles), Jaen Botes (Exiles), Kristian Stinson (Exiles), Murray Reason (Abu Dhabi Saracens), Dave Knight (Hurricanes), Ross Samson (Jebel Ali Dragons), DuRandt Gerber (Exiles), Saki Naisau (Dragons), Andrew Powell (Hurricanes), Emosi Vacanau (Harlequins), Niko Volavola (Dragons), Matt Richards (Dragons), Luke Stevenson (Harlequins), Josh Ives (Dubai Sports City Eagles), Sean Stevens (Saracens), Thinus Steyn (Exiles)
Secret Pigeon Service: Operation Colomba, Resistance and the Struggle to Liberate Europe
Gordon Corera, Harper Collins
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The specs
Engine: 3.8-litre, twin-turbo V8
Transmission: eight-speed automatic
Power: 582bhp
Torque: 730Nm
Price: Dh649,000
On sale: now
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